Recently I have seen a lot of hype, probably due to Jon & Kate as well as the political cheaters – all about cheating, forgiveness and why women blame other women.
This topic gets me going because people seem to make excuses for said cheaters. They look for the reason behind the cheating, and though some of the reasons might be valid, bottom-line. . . Cheaters are selfish, their needs are more important than your needs (or the needs of the family), period. Whatever excuse the cheater gives, I hope it helps them sleep at night, but I am not sure why anyone would buy it.
Let’s take Jon & Kate. I was never forced to watch many of their episodes but the episodes I did watch didn’t give a good impression of either of them. I thought Kate was a big B and Jon was a pansy. However, what kind of woman would it take to run a household of eight kids? She would have to have a super brain, be type A and completely non-negotiable. I have one small child and sometimes it takes an act of congress to get her shoes on, I can’t and don’t want to imagine getting 8 children ready? That’s 16 shoes that need to be tied. . . Kate is a stronger and more aggressive woman than I will ever be (and I am thankful for that). I digress. . . Jon cheated on his wife, proving he is a selfish pansy, and I couldn’t care less about his excuse. A non-pansy would have requested marital counseling or, at least, thrown it down with Kate. “Hey, you need to stop being a B . . . if this is too much for you, let’s hire a nanny.”
If you are dating said cheater, don’t give them one more second of your time. They don’t love you; I don’t care what they tell you. They love themselves and their needs more than you. That should be obvious, though I know how easy it is to want to believe someone. Your choices are: 1) Stay with cheater and spend your life in paranoia, wondering what you did wrong 2) Move on, dump them and find the person who is worthy of your love. Why would you ever stay with someone who can’t be true to you when you are dating? If you do end up marrying them, how could you trust them?
If you are married to said cheater – the biggest piece of advice I could ever give anyone is to make sure you do everything within your power to not live with regret. Some people could live with being cheated on, but you would have to be able to let it go. Not – yeah, I forgive my cheating spouse but I GPS his/her phone, track his/her email, and hired a PI to do the dirty work. Don’t lose yourself in order to love someone. I don’t believe in divorce, I believe in commitment. I believe you should do absolutely everything within your power to avoid divorce. But not all things are within your power.
If you have kids, that is a judgment call and where it gets sticky. I have read many articles, studies and stories that children thrive in two-parent households. I completely agree with that. But I have also read that when children grow-up they subconsciously try to recreate the life of their parents.
Hmmmm – ok, say you have a daughter and your husband is a cheater. If you stay with husband, are you condemning your child to marry a cheater or helping them with a two-parent home? That is a question that no one could answer, experts disagree on this topic. Whatever you do, do it in the best interest of your child. You need to look out for their little minds, since it is obvious that your spouse isn’t.
If you have been cheated on, do yourself a favor and blame the person that cheated on you. That is the only one that should be accountable since they are the one who betrayed you. It is not your fault. I am sure there are things you could have done better, everyone can say that about themselves almost everyday of their life. But losing 10 pounds or any of the above won’t make them love you more. Trust me!
Don’t blame the other person. Unless the other woman/man was your BFF, they were merely opportunity. If your mate chooses to walk through that door when opportunity knocks, don’t blame them. You have no idea what he/ she said to get them in bed, even if your spouse told you the story. (On a side bar, if your spouse told you the story – why on earth would you believe them? They just cheated on you!!!)
The bottom line is that cheating in a marriage is one of the biggest offenses because it publicizes and dirties the one thing that is shared between the couple. It takes away the safety and security of what is sacred. Don’t do it. Be a man/woman, if you’re not happy – fix the problem. If the problem can’t be fixed, move on. But don’t dishonor your family.